Victoria Angel's Surrogacy Story
What month and year was/were your surrogate baby/babies born?
March 2021 I had a baby boy.
What originally inspired you to look into surrogacy?
My aunt and uncle inspired me to get into surrogacy. They are the nicest people you would know. They give of themselves whenever they can and rarely get upset at anything. I was helping them remodel their backyard one year and I would watch them get overjoyed and excited and then a couple of weeks later they would be distraught. I finally found out that they were trying to get pregnant and were not having success. After years of trying to get pregnant they ended up adopting a young boy and they loved him with all of their hearts. I had the thought that if only I had been older than I could've helped them somehow. I had no children at the time, and I was only 17 but I knew that surrogacy was something I had to do in the future.
What was your favorite or most memorable moment during this whole process?
My favorite moment of the whole surrogacy process was the first-time hearing baby's heartbeat. You can get a positive pregnancy test but to me, it doesn't seem truly real until you hear the proof. That beautiful thumping of a tiny heart reminds me of a hummingbird flapping its wings.
What was the most unexpected part of this process?
I think about it and I feel like if there was a problem that was common to IVF then I had it. I had a hematoma near my uterus which caused me bleeding up until 12 weeks, so I was on light duty up until 12 weeks. Then I had a "marginally attached cord," which could cause bleeding problems during labor and underdevelopment in baby. Then ultimately ended up with preeclampsia with severe features. I ended up having to have a D and E at 22 weeks of pregnancy.
How was the matching process?
The matching process was fairly quick. I only had my profile up for a couple of weeks before I matched with my IF's. We hit it off fairly quickly, we agreed on the same amount of communication and believed in the same things.
How was the pregnancy and how involved were the Intended Parents during the pregnancy?
I had quite a few problems during the pregnancy. I had bleeding during the first 11 weeks of pregnancy and the doctors said that I had a hematoma near my uterus, and it was causing bleeding. So, I was on light duty during the first trimester and that was a bit stressful for me because I enjoy being active as part of my lifestyle. Then at my 12-week ultrasound, the doctor told me that I may have a "marginally attached cord," meaning that the cord is attached away from the center of the placenta and this could cause underdevelopment in baby and blood loss issues during delivery if the cord becomes detached during labor. These problems are more common in IVF pregnancies apparently. Baby was measuring in at the right size for gestational age, so we were keeping an eye on his growth rate. This was up until 20 weeks in pregnancy and the unexpected happened.
I noticed that I had pretty severe swelling in my legs and hands starting at 20 weeks. At that point, I went on a low sodium diet and increased my physical activity in hopes of decreasing the swelling. I went to my 20-week checkup and my blood pressure was high at check-in and I've never had high blood pressure in my life. The doctor rechecked my blood pressure after I had been sitting for 10 minutes to see if it would go down and it didn't. The doctor said that we would keep an eye on it from this point forward but that it was not high enough to take any major steps, but she decided to do bloodwork to be sure. So, at this point, we are keeping an eye on more things than I ever had to with my two previous pregnancies. I carried both of my keepers to term with no problems. The most unexpected part of this process was being diagnosed with preeclampsia at 22 weeks.
My relationship with the IF's was fairly distant. We didn't talk much during the process. We did say congrats whenever we found out we were pregnant, and we facetimed during ultrasounds. I guess I never really knew how much they wanted to talk to me. I felt like maybe they didn't want to know as much as I wanted to tell sometimes. They did check in to make sure I was feeling ok and that if I needed anything that I could let them know.
How did you talk to other people about the process, like your friends and family? Even strangers?
When I was researching the process, I found out that the boss of a surrogate mother actually withheld a job promotion because of her views against surrogacy. This story alone deterred me from sharing my story with anyone that I wasn't truly familiar with. I actually didn't tell a lot of people that I was even pregnant. I wore large clothes and would not announce my pregnancy unless I was asked. When I was asked if I was pregnant, the common response was that they could never do that, they could never give away their baby.
How did you talk to your kids about surrogacy before, during, and after the birth?
I bought a book called the kangaroo pouch and it explained surrogacy perfectly at a level that was appropriate for their age. I reminded them that we were not keeping the baby and that he had a family that was ready to love him.
How was your delivery and post-pregnancy?
My delivery was scary and stressful. I had two events where my blood pressure was so high that my nurses maxed me out on blood pressure medicine. There were discussions on the safest way to remove baby because the doctors were not sure how much longer the blood pressure medicine would actually keep my blood pressure at the highest acceptable level possible. They explained that the D and E were the safest way to remove baby, this was my personal situation because I also had blood levels that were at the lowest possible acceptable level. The fear was that if I tried to deliver baby then I would lose too much blood. If a c section was performed, then the blood loss would be worse than that if I tried to deliver baby. Also, if I was to go into labor, baby might not be able to take the stress of a normal labor and there is a high probability that the neck would be stressed too much for a 22-week baby, the neck might separate from the body. I was taken to the operating room and given an epidural and sedation medicine. I woke up intermittently during the procedure and I remember being cold and confused. I woke up in my room after the procedure and one of the doctors had a container with blood in it and I don't think that he knew I was in and out of sleep. He was making the handprints of baby for the IF’s; I didn't realize that it was baby in the container until my sedation wore off. That is an image that I never ever want to see again in my life, it's an image that lives in my head and brings tears to my eyes. After I was clear-headed, I was in pain and I felt sore. My IFs came by the hospital to say one last goodbye. I knew my IFs were upset but I felt like they were upset at me for not being able to carry baby any longer, in my head I knew that they knew it was medically necessary, but I told them in between sobs that "I loved him too." We all hugged and cried, and I think just felt defeated.
After the procedure, I had to move slow, and every task seemed to take all of my efforts. I'm grateful that my sister works in healthcare and that she was so kind to me in the hospital. I don't think I've loved my sister more or appreciated her more than that week.
What were your feelings when you saw the IP(s) hold their baby/babies for the first time?
I remember the IF's coming to the hospital before the procedure so that the doctors could decide the safest delivery option. One of the IF's put his hand on my belly and cried. I prayed that peanut would give his dad just one kick, but peanut had not been moving a whole lot and that kick never came. I cried and cried because I wanted baby to kick for him more than for me.
What was one thing you wished you would have had in your hospital bag that you forgot?
I wish I had brought my maternity clothes so that I could be comfortable after delivery.
What did your kid(s) and/or partner say when meeting the baby?
My kids never met baby and I don't have a partner. My kids were confused about why I was in the hospital, especially after I had told them that baby wasn't coming out until the summer.
What is your relationship and contact with the Intended Parents now?
The IF's and I don't speak anymore, and we haven't since I told them that I was home from the hospital.
What were some of the benefits of working with an agency?
Some of the benefits of working with an agency were that: there was always someone I could ask questions to, they reminded me of meds that I needed to take or order, they communicated with the IF's when procedures were happening.
What words of wisdom would you share with other/newer gestational carriers?
My words of wisdom to other/newer gestational carriers would be to think of all the things that could go wrong in pregnancy and if you are not equipped mentally or physically to deal with that then maybe you should hold off until you are completely prepared.
If you decided to be a gestational carrier again, what would be the reason?
I have decided that I will not be a gestational carrier again in the future. I am a single parent, and my kids are too small to lose me. If the medicine had not worked for my blood pressure, I don't really know what would have happened.
Is there anything else you want to add about your experience?
I realize that not every experience is negative, and I read negative experience stories before I did my own journey, and it did not stop me. If this is something that is in your heart, then maybe it is something that you are meant to go through. I hate to think my negative experience was meant to happen and I wish there was something/anything that could've been done to change the outcome, but this is an experience that fate had in store for me and I am trying to accept that.