The Beginner's Guide to Surrogacy for Intended Parents
Welcoming a child into your life through surrogacy is a life-changing and incredible journey. We know it is not usually anyone’s first choice on their path to growing their family and understand that the surrogacy process can seem intimidating. To help you understand the process and make informed decisions, we are happy to provide an overview and basic information to use as a guide.
Understand Surrogacy and Educate Yourself
If you’re here, you probably know what surrogacy is, but we’ll still explain it. Surrogacy is an arrangement in which a person agrees to carry a pregnancy and deliver on behalf of another couple or person, who are the child's parent(s). The parents are commonly known as “intended parents” or “IPs”. The person carrying the pregnancy is called a “surrogate”, “gestational carrier” or “GC”. Although everyone’s reasons for turning to surrogacy to build their families are different, reasons often include medical necessity, being a single parent, or same-sex couples.
There are two main types of surrogacy: traditional and gestational. In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate's own egg is fertilized with the intended father's sperm either by intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF). Gestational surrogacy uses IVF, so the embryo is created outside of the body using the intended parents' or donor gametes (egg and sperm), then transferred to the surrogate's uterus. With gestational surrogacy, there is no genetic relation between the surrogate and the baby. Bright Futures Families only does gestational surrogacy journeys.
Begin by gathering information about surrogacy. Research online (we’re glad you’re here), read books, join surrogacy forums, and consult with professionals. Understand the different types of surrogacy arrangements, legal aspects, emotional considerations, time requirements, and medical procedures involved. Being well-informed will empower you to make the right decisions and ease any anxiety you may have.
Considering Having a Baby Through Surrogacy? Consider the Following:
Personal Motivation
Reflect on your reasons for choosing surrogacy. As mentioned above, the reasons for turning to surrogacy to build their families will vary. Clarifying your motivations will help you communicate effectively with potential surrogates and professionals. Understand that surrogacy journeys can be physically and emotionally taxing and take a significant amount of time, and we are happy to accompany you on this incredible path!
Emotional Impact and Support System
An important thing to remember during any surrogacy journey is that it can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions. It's totally normal for intended parents and surrogates to feel excited, anxious, or even overwhelmed throughout the process. But don't worry, you're not alone! Coping with these emotions is key and having a strong support network can make all the difference.
One common struggle for intended parents is the loss of control they sometimes feel with a surrogate pregnancy. It's totally understandable that you want everything to go smoothly and according to plan, but sometimes life has other ideas. No surrogacy journey happens without a few bumps along the way. Letting go a little can be a good thing when it comes to surrogacy. While you want your surrogate to feel supported and taken care of, it is important to trust that the she, the medical professionals, and the agency will do everything they can to get you to your ultimate goal – that precious bundle! Bright Futures Families will assign a case manager to guide and support you through the steps. Micromanaging the surrogate could cause anxiety for you and them. Of course, you can share concerns, and a great way to do that is to use the agency as a buffer for any issues that may arise between you and your surrogate. In addition to the agency, ensure that you have a strong support system, including family, friends, mental health professionals, and support groups. These can help you cope with the emotional aspects of the surrogacy journey. Having people who understand your experience can provide valuable encouragement. Check out this list of support groups on the website for RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association.
If you already have a child or children, you will need to lean on your support system to provide childcare during appointments, meetings, procedures, labor and delivery, and if something unexpected happens.
Legal
Legal processes vary depending on your location. Consult with a legal expert experienced in surrogacy to understand your rights, responsibilities, and the legal framework of the surrogacy arrangement. Part of the surrogacy process through Bright Futures Families includes a surrogacy contract created by the intended parent(s), the surrogate, and their attorneys, which will outline expectations and rights for all parties involved. For those who choose not to use an agency for their journey, it’s a good idea for surrogates and intended parents to have separate legal representation to create a legal contract for their surrogacy arrangement. This step ensures a legally sound process and protects everyone's interests.
The Process:
Choose a Fertility Clinic and Create Embryos
Clinics have slight variations to their processes and criteria, so this is always the first step. They will help you test gametes, find and test donors, retrieve gametes, create and test embryos, and help prepare everything for the surrogacy journey. Bright Futures Families does not require intended parents to use a certain clinic, because that should be your choice based on your specific needs. When researching clinics, consider location, success rates, communication, and cost, and compare this information with a few other clinics to make an informed decision based on what is best for you as the intended parent(s).
Agency Consultation
Bright Futures Families offers a free 30-minute initial consultation to intended parents. This can be done over the phone, but if you’re more comfortable doing a video call or in-person meeting, we may be able to make arrangements for those instead. We’ll discuss our program, options available, the process of matching with a surrogate, a general overview of your state’s surrogacy laws, insurance issues, financial aspects, basic medical and formation, and what you’re looking for in a surrogate. If 30 minutes isn’t enough time, we can always schedule additional time to discuss your needs.
Agency Application
Surrogacy agencies like Bright Futures Families can help match you with a surrogate, provide support, and guide you through the process. If you already have someone in mind as your gestational carrier, we can provide concierge services, which would begin slightly differently than a journey where the agency would need to help match the intended parents with a surrogate. Either way, we would love to walk alongside you on your journey! Once you’ve decided that we are the agency for you, you’ll sign a contract with us called an Agency Agreement and fill out an Intended Parent Application.
Background Checks
We will ask for additional information, photos, and a background check release. At this point, we do not collect any agency fees, but we will take a $100 application fee to help offset the cost of the background check(s). The agency fees don’t start until you are matched with a gestational carrier. Additional documents may be required, but these are some things to expect up to this point.
Matching
Throughout the process, we make note of your preferences, expectations, personality, clinic criteria, and so on and take those into consideration when presenting a match. You, as the intended parent(s), are typically presented with a potential surrogate profile first. We also present them one at a time based on our background knowledge of who we think would be a good fit, and you let us know whether you are interested in having a match meeting with the surrogate before you are presented with another surrogate profile to consider. If you are interested in having a match meeting, the surrogate is then provided with your profile to see if they are interested in meeting you. If you are not interested in meeting them, you will be presented with another potential surrogate profile. If everyone is interested in meeting, a member of our team will facilitate a match meeting, which can be done in person or virtually, depending on the situation. If anyone decides during or after the meeting that it isn’t a good fit, then we go back and reconsider potential matches and repeat. If everyone wants to move forward, then congratulations - it’s a match - and the real fun can begin!
Keep in mind that matching can take a few months, and it is important to be honest and ask questions at any time. We would rather take the time to match you with the right surrogate than match you right away with someone who might not be the best fit for you!
Escrow
To ensure funds are available to cover the surrogate’s expenses associated with clinic screening, you will need to open an escrow account. As the journey progresses, (specifically after the legal contract is completed), escrow will need to be more fully funded to cover expenses throughout the surrogacy contract. This is generally around $75,000 to $90,000.
Clinic Screening/Medical Workup
Your surrogate’s medical records will be sent to the doctors at your clinic to be reviewed and (hopefully) approved. Once approved and coordinated with her cycle, your surrogate will complete a full medical workup at your clinic. The gestational carrier’s spouse/partner, or any sexually intimate partner will also need to go through some testing.
Legal
Once everything is complete and the surrogate is medically cleared, you and your surrogate will individually decide on separate legal representation to create and negotiate a legal contract called a Gestational Carrier Agreement (GCA). While we don’t require that either side use a specific attorney (we can help recommend attorneys), we do require that the attorneys specialize in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) law, and that at least one attorney practices in the state where the surrogate intends to give birth. Keep in mind that some states require that both attorneys be licensed in the state where the surrogate intends to give birth. Generally, you will choose your attorney first, then the surrogate will choose theirs. The GCA will state that the intended parents are the legal parents of the child and will include a compensation plan and outline any other specific items anyone feels strongly about. For example, whether the surrogate will pump breastmilk for the baby after delivery. You, as the intended parents, will be responsible for paying your surrogate’s legal fees.
Medication and Embryo Transfer
A licensed reproductive endocrinologist (fertility doctor) will prescribe the medication necessary to prepare the surrogate’s body for embryo transfer. This will be a rigid schedule for self-administered medications, which could be given via injection, patch, suppository, etc. depending on the specific needs of that individual and instructions given by the clinic. The surrogate will need to attend regular medical appointments, blood draws, and of course, the embryo transfer. The gestational carrier will travel to the clinic, and they will transfer an embryo to her uterus. (Rest guidelines after the embryo transfer vary from clinic to clinic.) We’ll support you all along the way with any questions you may have or support you may need.
Pregnancy
After the embryo is transferred (and hopefully successfully implants), the gestational carrier will continue to go to your clinic for monitoring, and the clinic will also provide the surrogate with a medication weaning schedule. Then, she will be released to your obstetrician at around 10-12 weeks gestation. With a few exceptions, the pregnancy should then progress like any other pregnancy from that point forward. Your surrogate will receive medical care, and her health and well-being will be closely monitored. Open and transparent communication with the surrogate is crucial throughout the pregnancy. These are discussions that everyone will have during the matching and legal phases of your journey, including whether you will be present for appointments, video chat, or if you’d like to receive photos and updates. Be sure to check with the clinic and OB to see what they allow during appointments as far as phone/video calls. You as the intended parents will work with your attorney to take the lead on getting the Pre-Birth Parentage Order (PBO) ready. This document will ensure that your names will go on the birth certificate. The agency will also communicate with the hospital where the surrogate will deliver to ensure they are aware of the situation.
Delivery and Postpartum
When the time comes, the surrogate will give birth to the baby. Depending on what has been agreed upon in advance, you may be able to be present for the birth. Afterward, the relationship can continue through updates and ongoing contact if desired. Some surrogates will pump breastmilk for the intended parents and will either meet up with them to drop off milk or ship it. Many intended parents enjoy maintaining a connection with the surrogate and sending updates, but that is not required. Psychological support for up to two months after delivery can be a part of the process. At this time, escrow will pay fees, lost wages for the surrogate, medical bills, and breastmilk pumping fees, if applicable. About six months after the birth, the escrow account closes. At this point, our formal relationship with you as the intended parents will be finished, but we love it when you stay in touch. We will always welcome photos and updates!
Remember surrogacy is a path that requires patience, understanding, and collaboration. Though it may be tough at times, you can realize your dream of parenthood with the help of a compassionate surrogate. We would love to be your guides as you navigate this incredible journey!