How to Prepare for Your Match Meeting
Congratulations! You’ve been cleared through the preliminary stages of your journey and are ready to meet with a potential gestational carrier (GC) or intended parents (IPs). While it’s important to relax and avoid overthinking your match meeting, here are some tips that can help you feel more prepared.
You will be asked about your family, occupation, and other basic “get-to-know-you” information. This can help the other parties connect to you and is a great way to start future conversations if you end up being a match. Remembering a few details from the match meeting can go a long way in building a relationship with the intended parents or surrogate. For example, if someone mentions their favorite type of flower or treat, it can make a great gift idea later.
Have an idea about what you want from the IP/GC relationship. Of course, this relationship will progress naturally, but usually, all parties share what their goals expectations are. Some things you may discuss are whether IPs will attend appointments, who will be in the delivery room, what OB office or midwife the GC will see, how often will everyone communicate, and whether everyone will keep in touch after the birth.
Another topic is sharing information about the pregnancy. The agency may ask about everyone’s social media presence. The reason for this discussion is to make sure everyone’s privacy is respected, particularly when it comes to sharing information about the surrogacy journey on social media. Even if posting on social media is okay with everyone, everyone should be respectful of the other parties’ wishes and privacy. Every surrogacy journey is unique, so the direction this conversation will go may vary. If someone has specific wishes, they can be incorporated into the legal contract if everyone agrees to move forward with the match.
Be prepared to answer personal questions that may get uncomfortable. This includes previous pregnancies, miscarriages, infertility journeys, whether the GC is on birth control, how the GC will feel after delivery or if something goes wrong. Everyone will likely be asked what made them look into surrogacy. The GC’s partner will also be asked what they think of their partner being a surrogate.
Another thing to consider is that due to the length and nature of this conversation, plan to keep your children entertained or consider arranging childcare. This meeting may be in person, but if there are social distancing requirements or if the IPs and GC don’t live near each other, the agency may suggest that the match meeting be done virtually.
Finally, remember to relax, be friendly, and be honest. Meeting potential intended parents and gestational carriers can definitely be nerve-racking. While it may be tempting to try to say “the right thing” in hopes of matching, this is a big decision, and honesty is important. Remember to be yourself! As always, the agency can help answer any additional questions about preparing for the match meeting.