5 Newborn Bonding Tips for Intended Parents
Intended parents oftentimes find themselves wondering how they will bond with their newborn baby after a surrogacy pregnancy. It’s important to remember that bonding is a gradual process that begins in utero. Here are five ways intended parents can connect with their new addition to their family.
1. Be involved in the pregnancy.
It may seem like intended parents who live close to the surrogate have an advantage when it comes to being involved in the pregnancy. If everyone is comfortable doing things together, they live close enough to each other, and there are minimal social distancing restrictions, going to appointments can be a great way to bond with the surrogate and baby. Sometimes, intended parents and surrogates communicate just as well even if circumstances prevent the intended parents from going to appointments. Ask the doctor if it’s okay to make a voice call or video call during appointments or if the surrogate can record a video of the heartbeat and ultrasound for the parents.
Some intended parents and surrogates will also check in with each other regularly. Remember that surrogates have their own lives and families to care for as well, so if she can’t respond right away, it’s not always a bad thing! During the early stages such as matching, everyone will discuss the level of involvement they want during the pregnancy and after the birth. This will help keep surprises to a minimum and set expectations for everyone.
2. Help the baby get used to the intended parent’s voice.
Intended parents should talk to the baby in utero whenever possible. If the intended parents live far away from the surrogate, the surrogate can play a recording of their voice(s) for the baby to hear. There are plush toys and phone apps that can record voices or music to play in utero, and then the parents can keep that toy in the baby’s room after it’s born. Not only does this help the baby get accustomed to the intended parents’ voices prior to birth, but it can also help calm the baby after the birth because it’s a familiar sound.
3. Nest.
Though it may be difficult for intended parents who have experienced loss, setting up the baby’s room, baby-proofing the house, and having a baby shower can help them feel more connected to the baby before the birth.
4. Talk to your doctor or lactation specialist about the possibility of breastfeeding.
Yes, you read that correctly! Intended mothers who are not carrying their child are sometimes able to breastfeed, though it takes months of hard work and preparation. Keep in mind that breastfeeding itself can be a difficult journey. The same logic applies here as it does during traditional pregnancy – not every parent and baby is able to breastfeed, and that’s okay! A doctor or lactation specialist can advise intended parents on whether this is a good option for them and their baby.
5. Have skin-to-skin contact after the delivery.
Of course, a great way for intended parents to bond with their baby is through touch. Oftentimes, the intended parents will be able to hold the baby immediately following the birth. Some intended parents ask the hospital for an extra gown to wear when the baby is born so they can be ready for immediate skin-to-skin contact. It comforts the baby and makes the parents and baby feel more connected to each other.
Bonding between intended parents and their babies born via surrogacy may seem difficult at times, but it’s worth it! Everyone involved should keep in mind that bonding starts before the baby is born and intended parents will have to be creative with the special connections they can make with their baby.